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Are you ready for a new relationship?

By Kathryn Lord

Special to Yahoo! Personals

Does it surprise you that so many people say they want to establish a relationship, but seem to fail time after time?

Use this quick self-assessment to find out how really relationship ready you are. Answer "Yes," "No," or "Sort of" -- to the following questions the following:

1. Do you have a crystal clear, realistic vision of the relationship you want?
Yes     No     Sort of

2. Do you know the steps you need to take to make that relationship happen?
Yes     No     Sort of

3. Are you aware of and do you emphasize your best personal qualities?
Yes     No     Sort of    

4. Have you made a clear choice to do what you need to do to bring a partner into your life?
Yes     No     Sort of    

5. Do you have a support team around you, cheering you on in your mate search?
Yes     No     Sort of    

6. Have you reviewed your past relationships carefully and learned what you could about their pluses and minuses? Have you looked at the actions and reactions on both sides of the relationship -- yours and your partner's?
Yes     No     Sort of    

7. Do you know how to keep your energy up during your search?
Yes     No     Sort of    

8. Have you finished the business, emotional and otherwise, that was left over from your past relationships?
Yes     No     Sort of    

9. Have thoroughly inventoried yourself and your surroundings, and done what you can do to present the whole of you in the best possible light?
Yes     No     Sort of    

10. Are you keeping yourself intellectually stimulated and interesting?
Yes     No     Sort of    

11. Are your finances in good shape and can you explain them to a new partner?
Yes     No     Sort of    

12. Are you ready to be honest and open about your life, sharing what might be painful or embarrassing information that your new partner should know?
Yes     No     Sort of    

13. Do you have a good, positive attitude that is readily communicated about relationships, men and women, and potential partners?
Yes     No     Sort of    

to calculate your score. You will receive two points for every "Yes," one point for "Sort of," and no points for every "No." Add up the results.

Your score:

How to interpret your score

26 -- Wow, are you ready! Go for it!

20-25 -- Not bad, not bad at all. You might take a closer look at your answers that were "Sort of" or "No," but you are in pretty good shape.

15-19 -- You've got some areas that could use some work. Take a good look at everything you did not rate a "Yes" and think about what you could do that would change you from "No" or "Sort of" to "Yes."

10-14 -- Dangerous! There's a strong likelihood that you will undermine yourself in your efforts to find a Sweetheart! Take seriously these results and do some intensive work before you start looking.

0-9 -- Train wreck. You have serious impairments to your efforts to find a partner. It's almost certain that you will undermine yourself in mate-finding, or at the very least, pair up badly. Do yourself and future partners a favor and give yourself time to do intensive work to get yourself in a better place.

Worried about your score?

Here are five ways to get your numbers up:

1. Get absolutely clear that you really do want to find a partner.

Brainstorm all the reasons you can think of that support your finding a Sweetheart. "I want someone to laugh with" and "I want a human to come home to" are two examples. Then make another list of all the reasons for not starting a relationship: "I'll have to make space in my closet" and "I won't have the same kind of control over my time and what I do" might be similar to what you come up with.

Go over you second list and ask yourself seriously about every single one: Is this a real and serious concern? And if so, are you really ready to give up whatever it is that concerns you so that you can find a lover? If you know that you will have problems letting go of whatever the concern you have about starting a life with another person, likely this will trip you up in your efforts.

2. Make a plan for how to tell the bad news.

If you worry about how you are going to tell your Sweetheart about something you are not proud of, write yourself a script that covers the issue as positively as you can, without going into too much pain and detail. Tell what you learned from what happened, what you did to take corrective action, and how you are preventing more problems in the future. Then go over what you have written with a close friend, your therapist, or coach.

Everybody has a secret or two, maybe more. You are no different. Neither is your Sweetie. In fact, he or she may be relieved that you are not as perfect as you look. And you will not have to worry after you have told your worse secret. Then you will know what kind of person they are, too, by how they handle your news.

3. Give yourself an attitude adjustment.

Listen to how you talk to yourself and others about being single and your hopes for finding a mate. If you hear yourself saying things like "There are no good men out there" or "All women are looking for is a fat wallet," then you are seriously cynical about yourself and dating. Scrupulously monitor your words and thoughts for negatives, and search for positive examples to counter your gloominess. If you want a good laugh, check out "50_Ways_to_BLEEP_Your_Lover," a compilation of excuses my readers have sent to me. You'll find you are not alone in your stinking thinking!

4. Get control of your finances and stop looking for a meal ticket.

You'd be shocked to know how many people spend their time on personals sites looking for millionaires or sugar daddies or mommas. Most grown-ups, male or female, do not want to take on a financial free-loader. And those that do have money to burn and don't mind spending it on you will expect payment in some form or another. Remember the truisms "There is no free lunch" and "If you marry for money, you will earn every cent of it."

If you are a financial wreck, it's unlikely that you will attract a quality partner. Even if your earnings are modest, if you live within them, lots of people will respect you for it. If you are in debt, make a plan to get out, and then follow it.

5. Evaluate and know your worth on the marriage market.

It's helpful to think of mate finding like shopping: Everyone wants to get the best they can for what they have to offer. And most folks have a sense of their own worth and what is a good deal. Be realistic -- most likely, you'll attract and be happiest with someone who has a similar background and financial situation to yours.

Make an asset list: All the qualities and positives that you have to offer a new love. And then make a list of the debits -- your flaws. Be honest about both. Some folks tend to exaggerate their plusses, and some do the same for their minuses. Be fair with yourself, and keep your feet on the ground. Then go out and start bargaining!